


before my time

by Anonymous



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 13:33:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9326990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Bodhi confesses his feelings, but Cassian feels like he's not good enough for him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is... completely self-indulgent and probably all too cheesy. sorry?? the first half was supposed to be them dancing around each other and pining for ages but i'm not that good at writing that yet, so i skipped to the confessions part. it might be too ooc but i needed to write this, sorry again.

“Cassian, can we talk?”

Cassian clenches his jaw and takes a deep breath through his nose. Jyn raises an eyebrow at him, but he shakes his head and turns to face Bodhi.

“Sure, what’s going on?” he asks.

Bodhi bites his lip. “Alone, please?”

Cassian nods. Bodhi turns on his heels and stalks to one of the corners, the room falling strangely silent as he goes. “Well? Get back to work,” Cassian says and the buzz around him starts back up immediately. He follows Bodhi and stands in front of him. “What’s wrong?”

Bodhi is fidgeting, tugging at his sleeves, gaze bouncing from Cassian’s eyes to the ground and back. “I’m sorry I’m taking you away from your work. I just. If I don’t do this now, I don’t think I ever will.”

Cassian feels dread fill his chest. “Bodhi, what’s wrong?” he asks, voice gentle, putting a hand on Bodhi’s shoulder. Bodhi ducks away from his touch and Cassian takes a step back. “I’m sorry, I—”

“No,” Bodhi says firmly. “I’m sorry. I’ve been making a fool of myself, I—” He takes a deep breath. “It’s okay if you don’t have feelings for me.”

A small explosion takes place in Cassian’s head. “...What?”

“I mean it. I don’t mind. I can’t help the way I feel but you don’t have to feel the same. I... I want to be your friend. I miss talking to you, I know I’ve been making you uncomfortable, I realize that now, but I miss—”

“The way you feel about me?”* Cassian whispers.

Bodhi’s jaw clenches and he looks away. “Don’t make me say it. Please.”

“I—”

“I know you’ve been avoiding me. I didn’t realize I was that bad.”

“Bodhi—”

“I’m sorry if I made you feel guilty, I’m sorry that I—”

“ _Bodhi,_ ” Cassian says, but can’t find the words to continue. _The way I feel about you._ Bodhi with his kind eyes and gentle smile and brave heart. Bodhi who can charm anyone he wants to. Bodhi who’s too good for him.

He takes too long to answer.

“I get it,” Bodhi says, voice tight. “You don’t wanna hear it.”

“No, I—”

“I’ll just...” Bodhi doesn’t continue, shakes his head and heads for the door. Cassian watches him go, heart racing, but before he can say anything Chirrut stands at the doorway. “Chirrut?” Bodhi inquires, but the man just shakes his head. Bodhi turns to look at Baze, confused. Baze shrugs and returns to what he was doing. Bodhi takes a breath and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Guys, I really can’t—”

“Tell him,” Jyn says. Cassian is surprised to find she’s looking at him.

“What?”

“ _Tell him_ ,” she insists, and Cassian feels his mouth go dry as he looks at Bodhi again.

“Tell me what?” Bodhi asks. Cassian’s legs feel like jelly when he walks up to him.

“The truth,” he says, and the statement, combined with the fact that everyone is staring at them, feels entirely too dramatic. “Can you guys just... Pretend not to be listening, at least?” he asks, and everyone pointedly goes back to what they were doing. Chirrut turns his back on them, without moving from the doorway, and Cassian shakes his head before he focuses back on Bodhi. “The truth is,” he starts quietly, “I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m around you.” He laughs at himself, voice wavering. “You walk into the room and I want everyone else out so I can give you all of my attention. You smile and it is like my head is in the clouds. You laugh and it is all I can hear for the rest of the day.”

“What are you saying, Cassian?” Bodhi whispers.

“I’m saying I want to be your friend. I also want to hold you and listen to your stories all day long. I just want to be with you.”

“Then why have you... Why did you reject me all those times?”

Cassian frowns. “Reject you?”

“Yes! I asked you out! Five times, at least!”

“More like ten,” Jyn murmurs, and Chirrut clears his throat.

Cassian swallows. “I didn’t... I didn’t know, Bodhi—I swear I didn’t,” he says when Bodhi huffs in disbelief. “I didn’t think that you’d want me. I mean, why would you ever? I’m so—”

“Beautiful? Brave? Kind?”

It’s Cassian’s turn to huff. “I may be a lot of things, but kind is not one of them.”

“You are when you want to be,” Bodhi insists. “You do what you have to. For the Alliance. For all of us.”

“And what I’ve had to do is ugly,” Cassian hisses and runs a hand through his hair, frustrated. “Bodhi, you deserve so much better.”

“Like what?” Bodhi snaps. “Cassian, you just admitted that you—” He looks away, a light blush colouring his cheeks. “Do you really think that someone else feels that way about me?”

“They could,” Cassian says quietly. “Falling for you isn’t a hardship.”

Bodhi makes a small noise and raises his hands in defeat. “How can you say such things and then insist that you’re not right for me?” He carefully steps closer and puts his hands on Cassian’s shoulders. “Cassian, I don’t want anyone else. There’s no reason for us to not be together.”

To his mortification, Cassian feels a lump in his throat. “Bodhi, we’re in a war.”

Bodhi’s eyebrows rise, his eyes bright. “That’s what worries you?”

Cassian feels his eyes water and blinks the tears away, shaking his head when Bodhi tries to speak again. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” Bodhi whispers, shaking Cassian a little. “Cassian, you won’t. I know it’s dangerous. I know it’s difficult times we’re living in, but that just... It only makes me want to be with you more.” He pulls Cassian into a hug and whispers into Cassian’s ear. “If I should die before my time, I’d rather be with you first. Even for a while.”

Cassian lets out a sob and squeezes him closer. They sway for a bit and Cassian murmurs, “I’m not as good with words as you are.”

Bodhi chuckles, voice trembling. “You don’t have to be. Just be with me.”

They’re quiet for a while until Baze lets out a groan. “Just go. Spends some time together. Figure it out.”

Bodhi bites back a smile and steps away, tugging Cassian along by his wrists. He follows with no resistance and shakes his head when he sees Chirrut’s smile when they walk by him.

**Author's Note:**

> ♥


End file.
